So much good news stifled by longing. My life is finally moving like clockwork but I can't even force a smile. Too bad nihilism isn't an attribute of mine, or I'd be just dandy. I hope he knows that his perpetual presence in my head effects my judgement for the better. I hope he knows that he's the only human being in existance that I've given all of my trust to. I hope he knows that I love him. I miss the inordinate hours studying pool and gabbing with his friends that i considered to be mine as well and the town itself. It was all so familiar the other day. I can't mend the fabric with splintered knitting needles... What a royal mess I've made. Time to salvage like mad.